Alternative Beauty Collective Haul! Unboxing my witchy goodies!

Alternative Beauty Collective Haul! Unboxing my witchy goodies!

Happy Monday readers!  Apologies for being absent for a while, but I haven’t been feeling very well of late.  However, no amount of coughing and sneezing could keep me away from all of you lovely people for long.  Plus, I am super excited to be collaborating with the amazing Alternative Beauty Collective, a company dedicated to bringing you edgy and alternative beauty, jewellery and homeware.  Anyone who follows me on Instagram will know my style is a little gothic, a little witchy and a lot dark, something that’s not exactly on offer in all the usual high street stores.  As such, I am constantly on the look out for companies and shops for me to find those little edgy treasures I love, so I was very happy when I discovered ABC and positively ecstatic when they offered to gift me a little care package to give me the opportunity to try out some of their products.  So for this weeks blog post, I thought I would unbox my gorgeous alternative haul and introduce you to this badass company.

Altbeauty1The first thing I spotted when I opened the box was this fabulous Phrenology fragrance diffuser.  Again, anyone who follows my Instagram will notice I have a bit of an obsession with skulls and I’m building up quite the collection (culminating in an awkward encounter with my postman when I had to sign for a box with a sticker on the side reading “FRAGILE: Human Skull Replica”) so I was very happy to find this little beauty.  It smells gorgeous and I love that after it’s all used up, I can keep the skull bottle for photos.  I even love the box so I think I will cut it up and frame it- which incidentally is perfectly in line with ABC’s environmental ethos, more on that after the unboxing!

Next up, there was the perfect selection of witchy goodies.  I love that these items are altbeauty2practical and beautiful (and incidentally will make perfect photo props).  The little black candles on the right are opium scented and smell divine.  I think my personal favourite is that glass right in the centre there.  Next time I have a glass of wine I can show my inner witch! lol I have also been accused on multiple occasions of having a bit of a resting witch face.  The item to the right of the glass is white sage and it smells gorgeous.  Burning sage is often used for purifying your home or other surroundings and it’s something I’ve always wanted to try (I will maybe post a little video of the results!)

altbeauty3Last, but not least, there was this absolutely adorable glass skull bottle and these gorgeous earrings.  I have already expressed my undying love for skulls so this will be a welcome addition to my home and would look super cute with a coloured bubble bath inside in the bathroom.  I am also a lover of statement earrings and these beauties are the perfect bohemian statement.  I love the colour of those pink stones in the centre and I am immediately picturing them with a top knot and a flowing black dress.  I’m very excited to wear these bad boys because I am in love with them.  ABC does a lot of amazing alternative products but I think the earrings are my absolute favourite!

I also wanted to make a note about the packaging- I know, I know, I am always banging altbeauty4on about my appreciation of pretty packaging, but this time, I am mentioning it for different reasons.  The Alternative Beauty Collective prides itself on it’s environmentally friendly ethos and all of their packaging is recycled.  Not only that, but they encourage the customer to recycle too.  If you reuse your ABC packaging and post it on Instagram using #abcsave, they will give you £2.00 store credit!  Awesome right?  I already have an idea for how I am going to reuse mine, so keep an eye out for it on my Instagram along with images of all of these gorgeous goodies in the coming weeks.

Thank you so much to the Alternative Beauty Collective for sending me these gorgeous items- I am in love!  What do you think readers?  Let me know in the comments about your house style (are you alternative like myself?) and don’t forget to subscribe to my blog to stay up to date with all the latest unboxing, articles, book reviews and pieces of original writing.

 

 

He Comes for me: A Short Story & Ceramic Artist Collaboration.

He Comes for me: A Short Story & Ceramic Artist Collaboration.

Happy Sunday every one!  Apologies for being absent for a bit, I was on a rather messy and very sunny adventure to Spain with my gal pals last weekend and quite honestly, I think I am only just recovering lol.  For tonight’s blog post, I will be featuring another of my artist collaborations.  For those of you who are new to my blog, basically I write a story inspired by an artist and their body of work and the artist then in turn creates an image/piece based off that story, the idea being to be inspired and inspire in return.  On this occasion, I had the honour of collaborating with the fabulous Arianna Piazza, the creative force and one woman team behind the ceramics company Bottega Krua.  Arianna studied art and ceramics at high school and later got a masters degree with honours at the Academy of Fine Arts in Venice.  She is a multi award winning artist, who has been selected in group and solo exhibitions around Italy and in 2013 she won an art residency for one year in Venice, at Bevilacqua La Masa Foundation…so basically, she’s amazing!  She is not only a truly talented artist but a very lovely person and I have really enjoyed getting to know her during this process.  To check out more of her work or make a purchase, you can head to her Instagram or website now!  For now, happy reading and don’t forget to subscribe to my blog to keep up to date with my latest book reviews and pieces of original writing!

He Comes For Me

bottega1
He comes for me at 4 am every night. I have become so used to it now, just another part of my routine, a simple addition to my ‘to do’ list: Take medication upon waking, try to eat something, Hospital appointment at 1pm, visit from death at 4am. I wasn’t always this blasé about it. The first time it happened, I was filled with a terror I had not experienced since the day they gave me my diagnosis. I don’t know what had awoken me. There had been no noise, no words uttered or hand placed on my arm to bring me out of my slumber. I had simply opened my eyes expecting to see someone, knowing somehow, I was being watched. Perhaps it is some evolutionary throwback to the days when man was prey as much as predator, a way to stay alert even during rest. At first, I saw only my room, made unfamiliar by the hour, moonlight casting strange shadows across my furniture. But as my eyes scanned the darkness, slowly adjusting to their surroundings, they fell upon a figure in the doorway. I remember a sudden rush of fear and adrenaline, my body immediately tensing, preparing for fight or flight. “Who are you?” The figure just stood there, a mere shadow back lit by the large landing window, a man shaped void in its frame. “Who are you?” Again, nothing, just the silence permeated by my own staggered, panicked breathing. “What do you want?” Only then did he move, his arm slowly raised to point straight at me in answer to my question. I groped for my bedside lamp, never taking my eyes off him in case he came at me, but with one flick of the switch, he was gone, a shadow disappearing in the presence of light.

I struggled to get back to sleep that night despite the digital clock on my nightstand bottega4
glowing red in the night, reminding me that I should be unconscious. I checked the house of course, every room, inside every wardrobe, under every bed, but there was no one there. The doors were still locked, the windows still closed and latched and there was no indication that anyone had ever been in my home except for me. I chalked it up to my own morbid imagination, a combination of heavy medication and my new-found obsession with death. I had been told I was going to die, I was sick and there was nothing that could be done to prevent the inevitable. It was understandable that I would have bad dreams, that I would be afraid of what was to come. Two sleeping tablets and a large glass of wine later and I slept like a baby.

But, at 4am on the dot the following night, it happened again. Except this time when I awoke, I found he was inside my room. He was by the window, a gap in the curtains casting a strip of light across the floor, a dividing line between my side of the room and his. Once more, I felt that surge of adrenaline, the fear and anticipation of a threat, my body tensing and readying itself for an attack. My eyes darted to the empty wine glass on my nightstand, a makeshift weapon if required. But he just stood there as before, watching me, his features still obscured by the darkness. “Who are you?” This time, he answered me, not with words, but by moving slowly into the shaft of light until I could see his face, if that’s what you can call it. For where a face should have been, I saw a skull. Where there should have been flesh and skin, I saw only bone. Where eyes should have stared at me through the dark, I saw only an empty void, two black holes darker even than the night which surrounded us, never ending pits. I heard something smash, I hadn’t even realised I had grabbed the glass and I felt myself freeze, paralysed by fear. But as before he just stood there, watching me. “Please, what do you want?” Again, his arm raised slowly and a long, gloved finger pointed at me through the black. I reached for the lamp and as soon as light entered that terrible darkness, he was gone.

This happened night after night, always at the same time and always in the same way. bottega2The only thing that would change would be his location, sometimes he would be standing at the bottom of my bed, sometimes he would be sitting in the chair at my desk, but always he watched me without saying a word. I used these meetings to study his features, or lack thereof. The skull which formed his head was white and clean, like someone only recently decayed rather than the ancient, ivory coloured skulls I have seen in museums and books. When the nights were clear and cloudless and the moonlight could flood my room, I could see small patterns etched into the bone all over his face, like the Mexican day of the dead skulls I had seen on TV. There were thorny vines creeping around his features, reminding me of barbed wire, but amongst this there were also roses, some in bloom, some budded but all equally beautiful. I realised over time, he wore a black suit, like something one would wear to a funeral, but instead of a traditional neck tie, he had a bolo tie like the kind Americans wear, a single oval shaped black onyx in the centre, the plaited leather tipped at the ends with silver. I cannot tell if he is a skeleton, whether he is devoid of flesh entirely, or whether apart from his head, he simply has a body like any other man, like mine. His head is all I can see, the rest covered by the suit, black leather gloves on his hands and heavy black boots on his feet. I also cannot tell how he feels or what he is thinking. One does not realise how heavily we rely on the social cues presented by our faces until we are presented with the faceless, the body language shown from a raised eyebrow or a twitched mouth, the emotion expressed by the widening of the eyes or a furrowed brow. He could be smiling at me, I have no idea.

bottega3In the beginning, I was convinced I was hallucinating or dreaming. This being was simply a manifestation of my own fear of death. But eventually, I understood, that this being was death. I realised that he was not here to frighten me, quite the opposite, he was here to stop me from being afraid, to show me he is not my enemy, he is not the disease which eats at me, draining me of life, he is merely a guide, someone to help me find my way when the end comes. I almost look forward to his nightly visits now. I find comfort in his presence and in knowing I won’t have to do it alone. It’s almost 4am now…I wonder if tonight is the night.

*Are you an artist or musician and would like to collaborate?  Please get in touch!

Book Review: Bird Box by Josh Malerman.

Book Review: Bird Box by Josh Malerman.

Happy Sunday readers, I hope you had a wonderful weekend!  For tonight’s blog post, I will be reviewing Birdbox by Josh Malerman.  I think I might be the only person who hasn’t watched the Netflix original adaptation of this, but I really wanted to read the book first (plus I have a rather demanding Toddler so very limited TV time that doesn’t involve cartoon princesses and singalongs).  I will hopefully get watching it this week, but if it is even half as good as this book then I know I am in for a treat.

birdboxFor those of you unfamiliar with Birdbox (have you been living under a rock or something?) the premise is this: A phenomenon is sweeping across the globe where people are going crazy, killing themselves and sometimes others too.  No one knows what is causing this, just that the victims always saw something before it happened. The book moves between the very pregnant Malorie and a rag tag group of survivors in the past, to the present where her and her two children battle their way upriver in the hopes of finding safety from these unknown creatures, the wild animals which have now inherited the earth from man and worse, the crazed people driven homicidally mad by what they have seen.  Sounds awesome right?

I absolutely loved this book, I really did.  The premise is fantastic, the characters are all well developed and believable and the tension and horror is very real.  I love that we as the reader never really find out what’s going on.  Are these creatures from another world or dimension?  Do they mean to cause us harm or are they inadvertently causing this carnage?  There are a few theories shared within the book, my favourite being that these creatures are so unfathomably different from ourselves that our tiny human brains simply cannot comprehend it and promptly go nuts at the slightest glimpse.  Whatever is happening, the creatures are never described which means that whatever they are is left entirely to our own imagination (in mine, they are like a creature shaped void of nothingness, walking black holes in our world, but that’s just me).  But the creatures are by no means the scariest part of this book, as it’s the reaction of the humans to the phenomena that offers the books creepiest moments.  Remember, our characters are literally blind folded, so the mere crack of a tree branch is enough to cause total panic.  Then there are the characters who are driven a different kind of mad by the creatures and the situation at large.  They don’t flip out and immediately kill themselves like most, but slowly go insane, hurting their fellow survivors.  I don’t want to have any spoilers but when things go bad, they really go South fast and it is here we see this maniacal, creepy lunacy played out in full bloody horror.

I really enjoyed the movement from past to present, it kept me hooked, maintained the tension throughout and made me desperate to find out what happened.  I had one of those ‘just one more chapter’ moments resulting in me staying up way past my bed time and suffering for it the following day (it was totally worth it though).

I love Malorie.  As a mother, I recognise that need to keep your children safe at all costs, that guttural feeling inside that says above all else, to protect.  At it’s core, this book is about survival.  It is about the good side and the bad side of humanity when faced with unimaginable horror.  It is about a mother determined to protect her children.  It is about man kind clinging to a world that is no longer theirs, refusing to lie down and give up despite insurmountable odds.  It’s pretty inspiring actually and has had me thinking at length about what I would do if, God forbid, such a thing ever happened for real.  I can’t imagine I would last too long, but I know I would do whatever I could to protect my own daughter, just like our protagonist.

It’s a slow burner, dotted with enough moments of peril and action to pull you along at a good pace to that big and bloody finale.  It’s a tense read and one that I enjoyed thoroughly.  I have to give this one full marks with five stars out of five!

Unboxing: Books that Matter Book Box, the feminist book subscription box.

Unboxing: Books that Matter Book Box, the feminist book subscription box.

booksmatter1Happy Sunday everyone, I hope you had a wonderful weekend.  For this evening’s post, I have an unboxing which I am particularly excited about.  I had never heard of the ‘Books that Matter‘ books subscription box until the founder Molly contacted me and Kindly offered to gift me this month’s box.  After checking out their website and reading about their philosophy, I jumped at the chance! You see, this isn’t your average book subscription box, this is a box with a mission.  This is a woman ran book box who is determined to not only promote great female identifying writers and artists, but seriously marginalised ones such as women of colour, transgender authors, less able women and queer women.  Each box contains a book chosen in order to enlighten the reader on themes of gender, race, culture, class, ethnicity, ability, sexuality, politics, or history, alongside at least two gifts by independent female-identifying or non-binary artists. In short, this is the ultimate feminist book box!  I am so excited by this ethos.  In a world which seems to be filled with so much hate, bigotry, discrimination and marginalisation, it is wonderful to find a company which is determined to promote those voices which are heard less and writers and artists who are all too often overlooked.  I was practically giddy when my box arrived and I saw how wonderful it is, living up to my very lofty expectations.  In fact, I was so impressed, I asked Molly if I could interview her for a future blog post and collaborate again soon with a giveaway (HELL YEAH) and on guest blog posts, so keep an eye out!  But the best bit?  This book subscription box is the cheapest I have ever come across.  At only £13 for the box it is serious value for money and as if things couldn’t get any better, Molly is offering 10% off your first box with discount code MARIE10, so you have no excuse not to immediately buy one!

Whilst I could gush about this box all day, perhaps I should get around to the all booksmatter4important unboxing!  So what did my fabulous feminist box contain?  First up, the all important piece of literature.  This month’s book is Good Morning Midnight by Jean Rhys. Now anyone who follows me on Instagram will know that I am OBSESSED with penguin classics and that I have an ever growing and very beloved collection of the vintage beauties, so I was so very happy to find this stunner in my box.  So let’s take a look at that all important blurb to get a feel for this 1939 modernist classic:

In 1930s Paris, where one cheap hotel room is very like another, a young woman is teaching herself indifference. She has escaped personal tragedy and has come to France to find courage and seek independence. She tells herself to expect nothing, especially not kindness, least of all from men. Tomorrow, she resolves, she will dye her hair blonde. Jean Rhys was a talent before her time with an impressive ability to express the anguish of young, single women. In Good Morning, Midnight Rhys created the powerfully modern portrait of Sophia Jansen, whose emancipation is far more painful and complicated than she could expect, but whose confession is flecked with triumph and elation. One of the most honest and distinctive British novelists of the twentieth century, Jean Rhys wrote about women with perception and sensitivity in an innovative and often controversial way.

This novel sounds truly inspirational and as a lover of classic literature, I am very excited to read it.  I have read a little about the author and she found her fame with a book depicting an account of Jane Eyre‘s Bertha Rochester and since Jane Eyre is my favourite book, this has gone straight to the top of my wish list, so the box was a total success as far as I’m concerned- I discovered a new writer to get to know!

booksmatter3Along with the book, I got three gorgeous bookish items.  First up, is a sew on patch by Karen from ‘A Rose Cast.’  I am already familiar with this artist and I’m a big fan, because she is a Belfast Lass like me!  The quotation is an Emily Dickinson quote about searching for one’s true self amidst the darkness of life.  It reads, “I am out with lanterns looking for myself.”  I love Karen’s fonts and this black and gold patch is just lovely!  I just have to decide what to sew it onto now.  There was also a super cute bookmark which celebrates mental health awareness month and as someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, I appreciate that the ladies of the ‘Books that Matter’ box stand in solidarity with ladies such as myself who find themselves struggling sometimes.  It’s also an important reminder of self care- remember, if you find yourself struggling, don’t do so alone!  Speak to someone, seek help and remember, you are stronger than you know!

The second item is an enamel pin, which I was very impressed with given how expensivebooksmatter2 they can be!  The pin is by the ‘Books that Matter’ in house artist Kate, an obviously very talented woman, which says, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”  A simple but important message for us all, and something I often need to remind myself.

On a minor side note, I love the box itself, with the very cool illustrations of female bookworms on it- I felt very special receiving it in the post and it immediately brightened my day when it arrived.

So there you have it guys, a feminist book subscription box that promotes female identifying and marginalised writers that contains an awesome book and beautiful bookish goodies by independent artists and which is super good value for money to boot!! Perfection!  Don’t forget to use MARIE10 for 10% off at the checkout and keep an eye out for the interview with the fabulous Molly Masters, the box’s creator…in fact, why not subscribe to my blog so you never miss out on my unboxing, book reviews and pieces of original writing!  For now, have a wonderful day and happy reading!

 

Unboxing: My ‘Baby My Book’ Rep package.

Unboxing: My ‘Baby My Book’ Rep package.

I was so honoured to be chosen by the fabulous Baby My Book to represent them on babybook2Instagram and the other day, my fabulous rep package arrived!! Baby My Book create the most amazing booksleeves, mug rugs & Book marks. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of a Book sleeve, you are obviously not as obsessive compulsive as I am when it comes to keeping books in pristine condition. Basically, they are like little sleeping bags for your books, to keep them safe and sound while stuffed inside your junk filled handbag or rucksack. If, like me you have an aversion to dogeared pages and creased spines, then you need to get yourself one of these bad boys! I’m fact, you can get 10% off the badass designs at Baby My Book with my discount code BOOKISH10…you’re welcome!!  So what goodies did I receive?

babybook1Inside my rep package, I received:

  • A Stephanie Garber Legendary themed large booksleeve with the quote: ‘Gold Shimmered no matter what, but few people could make darkness glitter the way he did.’
  • A Holly Black Cruel Prince themed mug rug with the quote: ‘If I cannot be better than them then I will become so much worse.’
  • A large Ouija book sleeve (My personal favourite…it gives me all the witchy vibes)
  • A dragon, crow and octopus 3D bookmark.

And there you have it! I am obsessed with my Ouija book sleeve and have been using it since it arrived, it’s officially my new favourite thing!  Head to my Instagram to see close ups of each of the items and just to check out my pics and random ramblings!  And don’t forget to subscribe to my blog for all the latest book reviews, unboxing and pieces of original writing!

Book Review: Decorating a Room of One’s Own by Susan Harlan.

Book Review: Decorating a Room of One’s Own by Susan Harlan.

Happy Sunday readers! For tonight’s blog post I will be reviewing Decorating a Room of One’s Own by Susan Harlan, who Kindly gifted me a copy in exchange for a fair and honest review after seeing my love for classic literature on my Instagram! The basic premise of this book is so original and charming, I’m genuinely obsessed with it.  Imagine an interior design book, where instead of interviewing designers or celebrities about their home style inspiration, it features interviews with some classic literary characters.  People such as Dracula, Jane Eyre and Elizabeth Bennett open the doors of their homes and castles and give the reader insight into their interior design choices, where they get their inspiration from and what their favourite features of their homes are.  It includes tours of famous literary residents such as Pemberley, Victor Frankenstein’s laboratory and Jay Gatsby’s swinging pad, all the while littered with references and quotes from the books and insight into the characters featured.

I think it’s obvious from my introduction that I just adored this book.  It has such adecorating 1 wonderful sense of humour, one of my favourite moments being Miss Havisham from Bleak House, who when referring to the author who wrote her such a depressing storyline stated, “He really put the ‘Dick’ in ‘Dickens.'”  It is littered with little ‘inside’ jokes between the reader and the characters which had me literally laughing out loud.  Every ‘tour’ and ‘interview’ was a little trip down memory lane as I remembered the books I have read and loved in the past, some of which I haven’t picked up in far too long.  It renewed my love of classic literature and as a direct result, there are now multiple re-reads on my TBR pile.  Indeed, there are some classics referred to in the book which I have never taken the time to read but after reading this book, I definitely plan on doing so.

The book is divided into chapters covering specific types of domiciles, everything from ‘Ancestral Estates’ and ‘Crazy Castles’ to ‘Cottages, Cabins and Hovels.’ Whether you live in a big house or a flat, or even castles, ships or wardrobes- there is style inspiration for everyone.  Dotted amongst these main chapters are little funny interludes, like the witch from Hansel and Gretel discussing decorating with the Mama Bear from Goldilocks and the Three Bears.   Whatever your favourite books are, Susan has it covered.

decorating 2It is beautifully illustrated by Becca Stadtlander (I mean check out that drool worthy cover), with images from each resident adorably featured in each interview.  Highlights include paintings of Dracula’s coffin, the Gingerbread house from Hansel and Gretel, the wardrobe from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe and a full page illustration of Pemberley.  I love the classic style of the images, which for perfectly with the books theme.

Susan Harlan is a great writer and it’s clear how much time and research she put into each character and each interview.  She obviously re-read every single book featured as each interview perfectly captures that particular book and character, whilst giving it a humorous, modern and light hearted twist.

Randomly, I also want to note how beautiful the book actually looks as well as the fact that it is of a really high quality.  It is a hard back, which I love, but also the actual pages are of a really thick and high grade paper.  It’s the type of book you would have sitting on your coffee table for people to peruse.  It makes me sound so old saying something like that, but I genuinely appreciated the weight and appearance of it.  It felt grown up and expensive!

Overall this is a fun, light hearted book which would be perfect for any fan of classic literature and as a side note, it would make a really lovely gift! Definitely 4.5 stars out of 5!

Reflections: An Original Short Story & Collaboration with artist Caitlin McCarthy.

Reflections: An Original Short Story & Collaboration with artist Caitlin McCarthy.

Happy Hump day everyone!  For this evenings blog post, I had the privilege of collaborating with the incredibly talented Caitlin McCarthy.  I found Caitlin on Instagram and fell madly in love with her hauntingly beautiful drawings.  For those unfamiliar with my collaborative series, I write a story inspired by the artist’s body of work and the artist then in turn creates an image inspired by my story.  The idea is to inspire and be inspired, to get each others creativity flowing and push each other to create something outside our usual remit.  Caitlin’s work usually contains ethereal women and I was so inspired I found myself writing my story Reflections in mere moments.  If you want to see more of Caitlin’s art, you can visit her Etsy store here, where both originals and prints are available, or you can visit her Instagram here.  Leave Caitlin and I a comment to let us know what you think of our collaborative efforts and don’t forget to subscribe to my blog to keep up to date with my latest posts.  Happy Reading lovelies!

Reflections

refelectionsI live in the world behind the mirrors.  I don’t know if it has a name or not, there is no one here to ask.  I call it the darkness, because that’s all there is here. I vaguely remember, as a child, fearing the dark.  Now, having experienced this place, I know it wasn’t the dark I feared, or what may hide within it, it was the loneliness and isolation it created.  In the darkness, you are alone with your own imagination and thoughts, like I am now.  I am a poor companion.

The only light comes from the rooms beyond the windows.  They are dotted around here and there, willy nilly.  I have tried to decipher a pattern or a logic to their locations, but there doesn’t seem to be one, not that I can see anyway.  Some are round, some are square, some are big and others are very small and would fit in the palm of your hand.  I thought at first they literally were windows into the next room, and I banged the glass for hours, screaming for help.  No one can ever hear me, or see me.  They see themselves in reverse, staring back at them, mimicking what they do.  I realised they were mirrors when I noticed what people did in their presence.  I watched women painting their puckered lips, curling their long hair, or I saw teenage boys squeezing spotty faces.  But this is not a movie, merely frames cut from the celluloid.  Once they leave the edge of my window, they disappear from view; their lives continue unwatched.

I don’t know how I got here, or where here is.  I have vague memories of living on the brighter side of the glass.  Their actions, bring back images, blurred and out of focus, of me curling my eyelashes with my tongue stuck out in concentration, or splashing water on my face or brushing gritted teeth.  I too stared at my reverse self.  There are no mirrors for me here.  I no longer know what I look like.  Am I the same?  I wish I could remember my name.  I think it began with an A, Alison?  Amy? Anna?

I have had time to think about why I may be here.  I have nothing but time to think.  Sometimes, I believe I am in a coma, trapped inside my own head.  Perhaps I suffered a head injury, and these windows, these reflections, are my mind’s way of trying to remember, to wake up.  But then, why would they be other people?  I know I can’t remember much, but I feel no pang of recognition for these people.  I will find objects familiar, like a dress worn by a tanned, smiling girl which I too remember wearing, spinning in front of myself, checking it’s fit.  But those sudden links to my past never occur when I stare at those faces.

Perhaps, I am insane or on drugs.  This is a hallucination, and the people are just random faces gathered by my subconscious on my journey through life, stored away in my memory for future use. But there are no breaks in the hallucinations, no disembodied voices of doctors or concerned relatives.  Perhaps, then, it is a dream?  Dreams have no sense of time, no linear lines of is and was. If it is a dream, it’s a nightmare. I wish I would wake up soon.

But, the theory which I give the most weight to, is that this place, the dark, is my hell.  My own personal hell.  Punishment for sins committed in my life on the other side of the glass.  I try hard to remember what I could have done to make myself worthy of such punishment, but I see nothing but the black.  Whatever I did, it must have been terrible.  This place is torture.

The only solace I have, the only break from the torture of my mind screaming, is the boy refelctions 2with the green eyes. I discovered his looking glass when I was feeling particularly alone.  He didn’t preen himself like a vein peacock, he would simply stare into, sad, forlorn.  I leaned down to the glass and placed my face so his eyes met mine.  Perhaps, he could see me.  He has dark brown hair, with pale freckled skin and he bites his lip when he concentrates on his homework or phone.

I watch him constantly now, afraid if I wonder around as before, I will lose his mirror.  There are after all no markers here, no discernible directions or landmarks.  Just the black.  I also want to see everything I can of him.  If I leave, I could miss one of my fleeting glances into his world.  I have decided his name is Marcus.  I don’t know why, he just looks like one.

It’s sounds pathetic, but even though he cannot see me, even though he is unaware of my existence, I feel less lonely when I am with him.  I wish he could come here with me, although when I do think this, I immediately reprimand myself.  This place is soul destroying, I shouldn’t wish it on anyone. But my heart yearns for company, a conversation, the feeling of another persons weight on me.  Things I took for granted in the before.

I pray.  I pray every day, to whatever may be listening, that my punishment, my nightmare will soon end.  And in the mean time, I watch.  I watch the lives I cannot live, and the people I cannot know, and the boy I cannot kiss.